“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” said Jim Rohn. Who are the people you hang out with today?
During my drinking years, between 1985 and 2003, I was making lots of friends and acquaintances. I later realized that many of those relationships and people were unhealthy for me. I do want to say that I, too, was unhealthy for many of them. Looking back, I can easily see what happened. But at the time, I didn’t see what was happening.
Odd how we can meet someone and be blind to the fact that the person is not going to bring value or provide positivity to our life. In fact, they will bring negativity, problems and, many times, chaos.
How to Weed Out the Wrong People
In 2004, during the early stages of getting sober and taking a hard look at my life, I was told to look at the people I was hanging out with. It was suggested to me that I consider weeding out many of them and change who I surrounded myself with.
After I had completed this exercise (a written list) and then had run it by a person who was more qualified than me to ensure my list was valid, it was time for action. I called every one of the people on the list and told them (some person-to-person and others in a voice message) that I had decided to change my life, that I wanted to learn how to live without alcohol, that I wanted a better life for me and my family. I respectfully asked them to remove me from their contacts and I wished them well.
Traits of the Right People
It’s interesting that only one of the people on that list (and there were a couple dozen) called me and tried to keep in touch. He didn’t try to sway me back to the old ways. I think he was attracted to what I was doing and, in some way, wanted it too. But he slowly faded away. I’m not sure to this day what happened in his life.
I do know the value that changing who I surrounded myself with brought to my life. Here are some things to expect when we invite the right people into our lives. They will:
- Tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.
- Speak truth and positivity to you even in a negative or difficult situation or conversation.
- Build you up and help you believe in yourself and in others.
- Say what they mean and mean what they say.
- Not make you feel judged if and when you do make a mistake.
- Be trustworthy and teach you what it really means to be trustworthy.
One of my close friends says it like this: “A real friend will take your call at 2:00 in the morning and come to bail you out of jail.” When she said this, I thought, “A real friend would be in jail with you.” Obviously we are having fun, but the point is to get us thinking about the definition of a true friend and adding the right people to our lives.
True Friends Step Up
Before I share what I’m going to say next, I want everyone to know that I respect your beliefs and your perspective. I’m sharing my beliefs but I’m not about trying to convert people to believe what I believe. My hope is that my experiences and stories about them might make a difference in someone’s life.
In 2007, when Kyle Jr. died, it was time for my true friends to step up. (And they did.) One friend sat me down and said, “Kyle, you have a choice: a choice to drink again, a choice to get mad at God again, a choice to run away from God or a choice to run to God. You have a choice to step up and be there for your wife and daughter. You have a lot of choices. What are you going to do?”
Another very close friend was with us when we went to the funeral home to plan Kyle Jr.’s funeral. After the planning, I was trying to tell him how thankful I was for him. He said, “Kyle, don’t put your trust in man. Man will let you down. I will let you down. Put your trust in Jesus. He will never let you down.”
Another friend said, “We are here for you and anything you need,” and I knew they meant anything. There are so many more stories I could share where my true friends stepped up and were there for us.
We are truly blessed to have many true, real and trustworthy friends in our lives today!
Don’t Quit
If you would like a free copy of the chapter I wrote in the book Don’t Quit: Stories of Persistence, Courage and Faith, please private message me your email and I will send you the PDF.
Go out and make it a change week.
God bless!