The last three weeks, I have shared about words. They are so powerful! They can make a person believe in themselves. They can also cause a person to lose belief in themselves. They can earn trust and they can destroy trust.
I Didn’t Know How to Get Real
I’ve been sharing about how I quit trying to change people and accepted it was me that needed to change.
My daughter, Marie, and I were not always as close as we are today. She was born in 1985 and I was never really there for her as she grew up. I was there physically but that was about it. I remember back in 1989 when her brother, Joey, died and we drove to the funeral. We were walking across the street, and I remember her saying, “This is going to be so hard, this is going to be so hard.” She just kept repeating it over and over. She was four years old and I had no idea how to respond.
For those of you who read our chapter in the book Don’t Quit, Stories of Persistence, Courage and Faith, you know my answer to dealing with Joey’s death was to drink and hide from my feelings. I never realized how much this would affect how close I was to my daughter as she grew up.
We never learned how to talk to each other, she didn’t know how to “get real” with me and I wasn’t “getting real” with anyone, including myself.
A Time for Change
Fast forward to 2003, when I made the decision to change my life and to quit drinking.
Several months later, I sat down with Marie and told her that Daddy had made a lot of mistakes. I owned my stuff and made no excuses for what I had done or didn’t do. I told her that I was on a road of change and that I was going to be a better dad and a better man. She had already seen some change over the past months. I was doing my best to walk it and live it (not just say it).
I used to hang with this guy who would say, “Are you gonna talk about it or be about it?”
Wow – as I write this, I had no idea what was going to happen. I couldn’t have dreamed the life I have today. Because at the time I wasn’t aware that a life like this even existed!
Messing Up
There’s a lot to the story I’m leaving out but in 2007, shortly after Kyle Jr.’s death, Marie moved back home and it was at that time she started to work with our company.
I wish I could say I did better than I did. As a boss, I made things worse. I pushed her farther away and expected much more from her than I did anyone else. She had to work her way up. She was not going to be given a position just because she was my daughter and I wanted to make sure everybody knew that. Back then and for several years into it, I was such a different person than I am now.
My tone changed often, I yelled a lot, I used facial expressions to get my point across, I put a spin on everything to make my point. I was a bully boss!
Well, as you would guess, this only built a thicker wall between our relationship.
If you’ve watched my other videos or read my blogs, you might be thinking, “But what about the 3P’s, Kyle, what about Building & Dynamite, what about What You Say Next Really Matters?” Fact is, I have had some great moments in my life. Fact is, I can still mess things up with the best of them. And sometimes I still do.
I remember a time when I called my mentor. I was disappointed with myself because I had “messed up” again. I had said something to my wife and had hurt her again with my words. While on that call, I asked, “When will I stop messing up?” With a soft voice, he said, “Never. You will always mess up but as you learn and practice these principles, you will see longer periods between your mess-ups.”
Investing in Myself
Leading myself and leading my wife was one thing. But to learn to lead my adult daughter, both on the job and off, when to be a dad and when to be a president – that was something I hadn’t learned yet. Once again, it was a man who brought this to my attention. The answer was to start investing in myself. He said that many leaders invest in their people, in their business, but they forget to invest in themselves.
As I started to delve into books and online learning, I realized many mistakes I was making. I saw things I needed to change about me, about my approach, about my perspective and about my thinking. The information I learned and have applied led me to the place I am today with my daughter.
Today, we meet weekly on Mondays at 5:00 p.m. for an hour to talk before we work out together. We talk on the phone a lot. We have both learned how to get real with each other. We trust each other 100%. Today, I am there for her and she is there for me!
She says I am her dad, her business partner and her best friend. I say thank you to my daughter for trusting me and for letting me into her life! Thank you to my mentors who helped me see differently and to everyone who has a part in who I am and how I lead today.
Looking Ahead
Next week, I’m going to touch on how I quit letting my past experiences and results dictate my beliefs and possibilities for my future. I’m going to share a story titled “Bigger Eyes.”
Thank you for visiting today. Go out and make it a change week!