It was Sunday, February 17, 2008. Just shy of four months since Kyle Jr.’s death. I was getting ready for church in my bathroom and I was pissed. So I started talking to God about it. My door was shut, no one but me and God.
“I can’t believe this! I can’t believe you would let this happen twice! How could you let this happen twice?! You know what, you probably don’t even care! You probably aren’t even listening after all I’ve done. I’m tithing, I’m going to church, I’m studying, I’m serving, I’m doing it all! This is a bunch of s_ _t! You don’t love me!”
Here’s the crazy part. I kept getting ready. It never dawned on me to cancel going to church. If there’s one major lesson I have learned, it is that we have to suit up and show up.
God Heard Me!
It was a very quiet ride to church. One hour of silence. Chris asked me if I was OK. I said, “I’m fine.” We walked into the sanctuary and sat near the back. I don’t remember a thing about the service as I spent my time in my head and angry at God.
Church ended and we started to head out. But I heard someone yell, “Kyle, Kyle, wait!” I looked and it was a lady rushing her way toward us. Her husband was following her and when they reached us, she said, “When you walked into the sanctuary today, God told me to get my pen and paper because he had something he wanted to say to you.”
Before I share what she wrote, let me paint this picture clearly. She sat way down in the front. We walked in and were near the back. This sanctuary held 2,000 people – it was big.
So she started reading:
“Kyle, the Lord says:
“Watch and wait for me. In the hour that you think not, I am faithful to do what I have said. I am with you; I will never leave you. I will never forsake you. Do you believe me? Do you believe everything that I have told you? Not just for today but for the days before? Look to me, the author and finisher of your faith. Yes, that’s right, finisher of your faith. I have wonderful plans. Life is not over yet. My plans are good. They are pure. They are just. They are timely. They are faithful. I love you, my son. I love you more than you will ever know. More than you can love your own children. Don’t look to the left or to the right. Keep your focus on me. I love you, I love you. Look and see. Everything that I have for you is good.”
“Watch and see. See through my eyes. The best is yet to come. Seek after me with your whole heart. I will not disappoint you.”
Tears were streaming down my face. I couldn’t believe what was happening. God heard me! Not only did He hear me, but He spoke to me through someone else. And even after my angry, selfish words, He made sure that I knew that He loved me and that He wasn’t done with me yet.
Suit Up & Show Up
Two things: first, I want to say thank you to Suzanna for listening to God and for chasing us down to tell us what God said, and for giving me this precious letter from Him. And to someone listening, God loves you. He is not done with you. Talk to Him and tell Him how you feel. Suit up and show up.
Let Him speak to you and work His plans in your life. God bless you.
