Have you ever asked God WHY? In 2015, when my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer, I again had the same conversation with God.
“Why, God, did you allow this to happen? What do you want me to know? What do you want me to see? What do you want me to do?” This conversation continued throughout her 26 weeks of chemo treatments, followed by eight weeks of radiation and throughout the other surgeries and healing process.
Learning Unconditional Love
When the doctors told us to prepare for a year from hell, I remember thinking, “You have no idea what we have been through or who we are.” I actually believed that because she was going to live, it would be easier than what I went through losing our sons.
I was thinking about it all wrong. It wasn’t a comparison; it wasn’t even close. When Chris started the chemo and she was going to lose her hair, she decided that she wanted to get it cut and shaved rather than have it fall out. One day she looked at me, crying, and said, “I’m not going to be pretty and sexy for you.” I said, “Sweetheart, I would love you with no arms and no legs and you would still be pretty and sexy to me.” But God was about to teach me something.
Though I didn’t realize it, to this point in my life and marriage, I didn’t really understand what unconditional love looked like.
A Different Kind of Pain
For many years, I walked with my wife by my side like a trophy and was very focused on what she looked like. Watching my wife, the woman I love, go through what she went through was painful in a totally different way than saying goodbye to Kyle or Joey.
One of my answers to the “why” in the cancer season was that God showed me, allowed me and blessed me with learning and knowing what unconditional love for my wife looks like. Now I know; now I love my bride differently, I see her differently. She is my pretty and sexy woman, and she will be at any age. With or without hair, with or without wrinkles, with or without whatever. In every day, in every season, for the remainder of our lives here on earth together.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask ‘Why’
Like I said last week, asking the “why” question changed what I know and do, as well as how I see. Not only trials and difficulties, but my wife, my life, this world and my relationship with God.
We will continue praying for you, your families and our nation, regardless of where we are at this time and in this season.
God bless you.
